Jennifer E. Thomas (j3nny3lf) wrote,
Jennifer E. Thomas
j3nny3lf

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Typical lunchtime at House of McWhorter

Y'all wanna know what life with my boys is like? This is classic, typical, and scariest of all: TRUE!

This happens almost every single day, unless the kids are in school:

Cast of Characters:

Sean, a 16 year old highly intelligent young man capable of independent thought and action
Ian, a 14 year old ditto
Evan, an 11 year old happy go lucky nauseatingly cheerful ditto
Papa, a 42 year old exhausted PhD candidate and loving husband and father
Ma, a grouchy, tired, aching old hag of 44

11:30 AM

Sean: MA! CAN I HAVE LEFTOVER WEDDING FOOD FOR LUNCH?
Ma: Yes, son.

11:32 AM

Ian: MA! HEY, MA! CAN I HAVE LEFTOVER STIRFRY FOR LUNCH?
Ma: Yes, son.

11:35 AM

Evan: MA! MAMAMAMAMA! MAAAAA! I WANTED WEDDING FOOD BUT I LET SEAN HAVE IT, AREN'T I GENEROUS? AND I WANTED STIRFRY BUT I LET IAN HAVE IT (AREN'T I KIND?). CAN I HAVE BEEFARONI FOR LUNCH??? CAN I MA? CAN I? (sounds of bouncing boy on other side of door)
Ma: (groans in agony) Yes, son.

11:36 and twenty seconds AM

Ian: MAAAAAAAAAAMAMAMAMAMAMMAMMAMAMAMA! WE ARE OUT OF KOOLAID. (pause)
Ma: Okay?
Ian: So can we have Coke instead?
Papa: NO! ALL COKE MINE COKE!
Ma: No. Have something else.

11:39

Sean: HEY PAPA! PAPA! PAPA????
Papa: Yes, Sean?
Sean: WE'RE OUT OF KOOLAID! (pause)
Papa: Yes Sean, I know.
Sean: CAN WE HAVE DOCTOR PEPPER INSTEAD????
Papa: NO! ALL DOCTOR PEPPER MINE! MINE! MINE I SAY! TOUCH AND DIE!

11:41

Evan: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! OH MA! *giggles* MA!!!! MA! WE'RE OUT OF KOOLAID, MA!
Ma: NO WAY! SAY IT AIN'T SO! I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED THAT!
Evan: SO MA!!! Can we have Sprite instead? *giggle*
Ma: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

11:41 and three seconds

Ma: Okay guys, all of you, FRONT AND CENTER. Starting RIGHT NOW! You will sit down before lunch and figure out what it is you want, and then you will send ONE representative to ask it all at once. No more of this "How much of Ma's rarely captured sleep can we disturb in ten minutes!" game!

11:46

Sean: MA! MAMAMMMAMMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAAAAAAAAAAA!! MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Ma: Oh Lord, grant me patience...
Sean: CAN ME IAN AND EVAN RESPECTIVELY HAVE LEFTOVER WEDDING FOOD, LEFTOVER STIR FRY, AND BEEFARONI, WITH SPRITE, FOR LUNCH?
Ma: Yes. THAT is what I am talking about. And your grammar is atrocious. Let me die.
Tags: humor, kids, my life pity me
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